But Professor Maphalala says although each family has its own way of doing things, its usually the husband who decides how the children should be disciplined. One of the disadvantages of being a second wife is that for some reason, people are far less accepting of a second wife. A Tajik court found him guilty of polygamy and of driving her to suicide, but spared him a jail sentence and ordered him to pay a $1,300 fine. 5. Khazuyeva also has two parking spaces in an apartment building on Moscow's Mosfilmovskaya Street. But the current qualitative study is an attempt to fill the gaps that are left unexposed by survey-based or quantitative research and particularly to explore the positive consequences of polygamy and coping strategies which the polygamous women used to deal with co-wives relationships other than causes and disadvantages of co-wives. A Muslim convert says that being a second wife provides her. In the beginning, females refused to share their partners but with time they accept it. I would never accept polygamy unless my husband decides to divorce me to marry a second wife. And what if one of the wives has a problem with the way her husband is treating her? 3. Too many people are dying because of the conflict between monogamy and polygamy. Two Questions to Help You Spot a Clingy Partner-to-Be. Yet we make as felicitous a stepfamily as you are likely to find. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry ISSN: 2231-7805 (In Print)E-ISSN Another common stereotype that is associated with females is to give birth to only female children which increasing the ratio of female infanticide because some men are in favor of only male children. An analysis of 11 cases of polygamous women transcribed verbatim showed a cluster of themes as infertility or having only female children, love marriage of husband, family pressure, the relationships among co-wives, and their coping strategies to accept this relationship in their marital life. A married couple that stays together can rack up plenty of debt, but what about a marriage that ends? He didn't want to leave his first wife because they had already had 4 children together. One of the disadvantages of being a second wife is that for some reason, 2. What Is Marriage Coaching? She had only one daughter. As she stated, "out of sight, saying of mind.". Mrs. Tanveer was 39 years old lady. Six were first (senior) wives, four were second wives, and one was the 3rd wife in status. Thats irresponsible. Evelyn, who has a four-year-old son, now works as a waitress to help her mother with the legal fees for her divorce. Al-Krenawi A, Slonim-Nevo V. Success and failure among polygamous families: The experience of wives, husbands, and children. This prompted one Javed to petition the Supreme Court that since Muslim. The applicant argued that the second woman's marriage was invalid because she, the first wife, had not consented to it: a notion upheld by the North Gauteng High Court. Inmany countries all over the world, polygamy is not permitted by law and marrying multiple partners is simply not allowed. Evelyn*, 32, tells DRUM her mothers experience was awful. 2006;52(1); 5-17. As of early 1842, Brigham Young was a contented monogamist. Prevalence of mental health problems in women in polygamous versus monogamous marriages: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Naturally, I instantly felt like I wasnt woman enough for him, Lillian says. She told, It was very shocking and tragic for me to have another female in my husband's life". Lots of people are betraying their partners while pretending to be monogamous. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry peer review process verified at publons. She said, "Emotions change with priorities". It is still bound to have some of the same relationship issues that we all face from time to time. The reverse is probably true, too: When women are taken from the marriage market, men suffer. disadvantages of being a second wife islam. Your wedding is your wedding and you can do whatever you want. In many societies the concept of polygamy is frowned upon because it goes against the Western idea of loving, honouring and obeying one person until death do you part. Could Your Relationship Benefit from Marital Counseling? Participant Mrs. Abdullah stated that in her pain after her 1st husband's death and later divorce from her previous husband due to barrenness when she met her third husband who dealt her effectively with her emotional pain. Problematic: Polygamy can be problematic from a legal and religious way. But Ron and I had already endured hardship . Dont be too quick to bash him, Lillian advises other women in her position. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Psychology and the Mystery of the "Poisoned" Schoolgirls. She stated out of sight, out of mind, She preferred the living arrangement. Some second wives may have unknowingly become #2 and had thought they were in monogamy, until the husband plucks up the courage to reveal they have . What's popular and why. I'm seven months pregnant. Avoiding adultery According to WorldCat, 99 percent of polygamous married men use this reason as justification for their undertakings. The advantages of polygamy were included sharing in-house responsibilities and child-rearing. Islam allows men to marry up to four wives at one time but the condition is to maintain equality and Justice in all the possession whatever a man holds in material means [1]. But that doesnt mean that they arent a little wounded. Lower incentive to cheat in a marriage. When he proposed to her she first came to me to check if he had my blessing. Unless of great importance or a family-related event, we rarely attended the same social event together with our husband.. The study is not against polygamy but the need to improve the family structure of polygamous families is a major concern. After those three days I regretted everything and I blamed myself for her heartache, he says. Your spouse has lost their first wife either to divorce or death, both of which bring immense, albeit very different, pain and coping mechanisms. The study is not against polygamy but the need to improve the family structure of polygamous families is a major concern. She told that My in-laws had not good relationships with the first wife of my husband. The sensitivity and the comfort level of discussing polygyny may have affected the sample size. Being a parent is hard enough; in reality. She stated, "'in my religion, co-wives expect to get along. There was a higher prevalence of somatization, depression, anxiety, hostility, paranoid ideation, psychoticism, general symptom severity, positive symptoms total, and psychiatric disorder, as well as lower ratings of life and marital satisfaction, family functioning, and self-esteem among polygamous wives [ 12 ]. Mrs. Tanveer was though accepted her husband's second wife but she told, when my husband got married to the second wife this sharing was indeed hurting for me. Mrs. Imam was 58 years old working lady living with her 2 children and a relationship with her co-wife. You know, its so sad because the new wives are also being treated horribly by my father but theyre too proud to talk to my mother because of the way they mistreated her.. 6. Eleven women participated in the study. Shes a nurse, not one of those rude ones, and she was kind and very helpful. https://www.mckinleyirvin.com/family-law-blog/2012/october/32-shocking-divorce-statistics/, https://www.gottman.com/blog/10-rules-successful-second-marriage/, Living with a Spouse Who Has Aspergers Syndrome: the Cloud of Secrecy. What are the disadvantages of being a second wife? Polygamy is a practice in which a person is married to more than one person at the same time, most commonly a man to several wives. These themes were generated from the co-wives experiences. The study findings may be inconsistent with the previous one except for the religious factor due to cultural differences. Mrs. Kamal reported "in the beginning when I thought about the second wife, I engaged myself in different activities because it always hurt me." The statistics are stacked against you, Depending on the source, divorce rates are pretty scary. There are seriously complicated stunts involved-- trapeze artists have less difficulty in learning when to disappear and resurface at exactly the right moments than your average second wife. In Pakistan culture, most polygamous women get relief in religious practices and other activities as one of the senior wives (Mrs. Amir) said "whenever I am depressed, I am used to saying my prayer and get relief because divorce is not an option for me." She said being Muslim I should follow and admit the true teachings of Islam." The advantages of polygamy were included sharing in-house responsibilities and child-rearing. Gabe and I won't have that. One female Mrs. Abdullah was feeding a new born baby she was 3rd wife of her husband. Shed dropped out of school to help her sick grandmother, Nomqondiso, when Thamsanqa asked her for her hand in marriage. There is splitting the assets, each person taking on whatever debt there is, plus paying attorney fees, etc. My husband has two wives . She said that time was very painful for me and my little daughters. The effects of polygamy on children and adolescents: A systematic review. 2015; 12(3): 267-289. Rahmanian P, Munawar K, Mukhtar F, Choudhry FR. It can be a challenge if wounds from old relationships arent quite healed. But thats not how it works out for everyone. Im in computer programming, which should tell you how much I love interacting with people, he says with a laugh. Policy-makers should be made aware of the implications of polygamous marriages on womens health and well-being. At that time her 3rd husband supported her emotionally and financially. The 2 Most Psychologically Incisive Films of 2022, The Surprising Role of Empathy in Traumatic Bonding. Mrs. Arslan did not avail of divorce and said it was her fate to share her husband with her co-wife for the future of her children. Between birth and death: Female infanticide in nineteenth-century China. The purpose of this study is to investigate married womens experiences in polygamous marriages and their ways of coping to accept this relationship. Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. , each person taking on whatever debt there is, plus paying attorney fees, etc. This was a very uncertain and painful time for me. She was divorced from her second husband because of infertility and the first time her husband died of an illness. Few helped financially in return for child-rearing to the senior wives. The co-wives shared their several experiences and reasons why they allowed their husbands for 2nd or 3rd marriage. She told she was also present during the delivery. If he does so, either in public or secret, she has the right to divorce him. The strength of the study is an attempt to seek the coping strategies of co-wives to deal with such relationships in the Pakistani context. It was a love marriage. Rossi P. Strategic choices in polygamous households: Theory and evidence from Senegal. In Pakistan polygamous women also facing many psycho social problems because our society is far away from the original teachings of Islam about polygamy. They often include not-so-subtle warnings about what's to come, designed to keep you strong and united in the face of conflict, change, hardship, kids. I never expected to be a second wife. Mrs. Imam, Mrs. Ahmad, Mrs. Kamran, and Miss Nadia also admitted co-wives relationship and compromised with this relationship (Table 3). In this case, I would prefer to keep my marriage to make sure my children have a bright future," she . For Lillian Makhubalo* it was like a blow to the heart. My wife and I were happy there was absolutely nothing wrong with our marriage. Divorce can be an expensive proposition. Mrs. Ahmad was a second wife and it was a love marriage. Theyre all equal and these two women are their mothers equally. Unfortunately, those stereotypes are not accurate. Holloway ID, Ansari D. Mapping numerical magnitudes onto symbols: The numerical distance effect and individual differences in childrens mathematics achievement. The sharia, Islamic family laws, and international human rights law: Examining the theory and practice of polygamy and talaq. 2006; 35(1), 46-61. It's a common misconception that polygamy means one man married to multiple wives. The majority of Muslims have accepted official polygamy. He says he isnt much of a speaker. Thobejane TD, Flora T. An exploration of polygamous marriages: A worldview. This is by far the most common (and the most frequently legal) form of polygamy. Ethnology. Being a second wife and a stepmother is rather like learning to perfect a set of aerial maneuvers. All women were Muslims. Al-Sharfi M, Pfeffer K, Miller KA. I grew up as an only child, and I always knew I wanted a lot of children, but my wifes pregnancy with the twins was very complicated. No, it is illegal.Under Section 494 of the Indian Penal Code, if a person marries a second time, without a divorce, while their spouse is alive, the marriage is considered bigamy, which is a punishable offense. In times of uncertainty you need journalism you can trust. She was living with her husband first 10 years of her marriage. There are seriously complicated stunts involved-- trapeze artists have less difficulty in learning when to disappear and resurface at exactly the right moments than your average second wife. Yet we have to shake off the stigma attached to being The Second Wife and say, with a smile, Yes indeed, Im his second wife. Objectives: The study investigated the causes of polygamy, outcomes, and women's coping strategies to deal with co-wives relationships. In the current study, co-wives reported several negative consequences of polygamy such as jealousy, lack of trust, unhappiness, loneliness, unequal financial division, and social privileges among the multiple wives those are consistent with previous studies conducted in UAE, Kuwait, Egypt, Jordan, the Gaza Strip, Arabs in Israel, Palestine, and Turkey which point out that the wives in polygamous marriages have reportedly more psychosocial, familial and economic problems compared to their counterparts from monogamous families [16-20]. Seven women were single before marriage, while two were divorced and two were widowed. Of importance is the need to disseminate the findings of studies like this one to those who are in a position to make change a reality. Method: Exploratory qualitative method was used. One wife raises her fertility in response to an increase by the other wife because to them children are the best claim to resources controlled by the husband [22,23]. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. It could have been the man's problem too. After 11 years passed when she had not conceived her in-laws forced her husband for co-wife. Different coping strategies have been explored to deal with the co-wives relationship by women to share their mutual husbands. She was blended with her husband by love marriage. Though plural marriage is banned in developed courtiers, it is surprisingly common, and popular, that 55% of the women share their husbands in developed countries while an average of 16% of women in less developed nations. 2007; 21(1), 108-127. A man and his second wife in Pakistan tell of their daily fear of being killed by assassins at the behest of their families. Top 5 Benefits of Marriage Counseling Before Divorce, 25 Tips for How to Deal With a Narcissist, 6 Challenges of Second Marriages and how to overcome them, Setting Healthy Boundaries in a Relationship, 10 Ways to Deal With a Controlling Micromanaging Spouse, 15 Benefits of Group Therapy in Relationships. Third theme: The coping strategies used by polygamous women have included faith in religion, fate role, and compromise with the co-wives. Mrs. Gulzar who was 36 years first wife told as she came to know her husband has a hidden marriage with Miss Nasreen. All interviews were audio-taped, transcribed verbatim, and were then analyzed by interpretive phenomenological analysis. International Nursing Review. Published: Many qualitative and quantitative studies have been conducted to evaluate the challenges and issues facing polygamous women on an international level. The interviews were verified for accuracy and consistency by listening to the recordings. Thereafter you will be billed R75 per month. A lady was working in front of her husbands' clinic and usually visited the clinic. Sometimes the first wifeis forced to accept it because of her own limited circumstances, and sometimes she declares war or leaves her husband." But here I am, married to a man who was married before. Polygamy is often based on traditional cultural practices or religious beliefs. He was a handsome 25-year-old who worked as a miner, and when he asked her gogo if he could marry Lillian, Nomqondiso agreed. Even though there can be many advantages of being a second wife, you might feel inadequate when filling the spaces left behind by the ex-wife and kids. To sum up: I am married to a man I love and am lucky. Polygamy has become common practice in many communities including Pakistan. Changes to the law have meant that women in customary marriages now have more protection than before. Not many people like a second wife. If that doesnt work then they go to the husband and present their cases, and the husbands role is to restore peace. Children can complicate matters further as each mother might feel the maternal pull to protect her own offspring more than the children of the other wives. Invest in the future today. Jealousy: Jealousy is a common response to protect ones relationship [14]. To evaluate the outcomes of the relationship between co-wives. They are sister wives, which means they have a friendship as well. Provide the three areas that were Islamized. Being a step-parent can be a very . You didnt grow up thinking; I cant wait until I meet a divorced man! Also watch: A guide for second wives to create a happy blended family. Ibn Qudamah writes: They know what they want and work hard they dont just take the mans words as the Bible.. He might marry a second wife before his divorce is complete, for example. Many first marriages start with two young, giddy people, unfettered by the realities of life. But by then, no one can picture you without that first friend. This can lead to a much-known phenomenon known as the second wife syndrome. Here are some signs that you have allowed the second wife syndrome to fester in your home: Being a second wife to a married man can be overwhelming, and if you are not cautious enough, you might find yourself stuck in a loop of insecurities. In Pakistani culture, infertility can be one of the reasons but exploring other factors like love marriage and family pressure, and religious reference are also common factors. I was so impressed., READ MORE:Celeste Ntuli and Ayanda Borotho on their roles as sister-wives in Isibaya. Love marriage: Love marriage is a very common reason for co-wives [13]. 2020; 39(2): 750-760. Mormon women fear eternal polygamy, study shows. Conclusion: Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. Female infanticide and killing women for giving birth to a baby girl a case study of Pakistan inproceedings of socioint14-international conference on social sciences and humanities. She said "first wife of my husband always get more privilege than me." 70% of those second marriages end in divorce. "This evening I am with my wife a lone by my fire side for the first time for years," Young wrote in his diary in January 1842. The study describes the different experiences, reasons behind polygamy, its outcomes, and the coping strategies used by first, second, and third wives. So, she accepted this relationship. Maybe it was because I didnt have anyone in mind when I approached her I wasnt cheating on my wife, Id never do that.. 1st wife of Mrs. Imam and 2nd wife Miss Nadia have attended some important ceremonies together but they did not get along (Table 2). An interview guide was prepared before conducting interviews which were consisted of the following research questions based on literature. She said that she and her husband was working in the same organization. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Relationships are hard, and if things go wrong, we get hurt. "Risk"? I couldn't sleep properly, I was crying.'. But then came Thamsanqas shattering statement. Now the first wife has no say. Women experienced various degrees of emotional difficulties including jealousy, unhappiness, loneliness, and lack of intimacy with their spouses. She was in severe depression after this trauma. So finding a man who respects women like uBaba is a blessing, The two women share the home duties between them, taking turns cooking and cleaning, and their six children help with the dishes and other household duties. Even extended family like grandparents, aunts, and uncles, etc., may not ever see you as an actual parent of the other persons biological child. In some countries like India, Iran, Iraq, Bangladesh, Algeria, Lebanon, Morocco, Jordan, and Kuwait allow a woman to include a clause prohibiting polygyny in marriage contacts. He enters willingly, eyes open, arms spread--he's the emotional version of a skydiver. READ MORE:Customary law know your rights. Instituting change for women in a male-dominated society is a daunting task; however, it is essential. youre over there thinking, The ex has the kids for Christmas Bummer. The two new wives bullied my mother and called her names. Al-Krenawi A, Graham JR. A comparison of family functioning, life, and marital satisfaction, and mental health of women in polygamous and monogamous marriages. Following subthemes were included in these main theme categories. Both babies were through cesarean. In addition, the interpretive phenomenological analysis (IPA) was used to generate a wide range of perceptions and opinions that women carry out about their experiences in polygamous family structures. You feel stuck and feel as if you do not belong where you are. A false rumour that men in Eritrea would be legally obliged to marry at least two women went viral this week. Challenges of Polygamy Partiality of husbands: this is where. You find yourself constantly comparing yourself with his ex-wife. Stanford University Press. Ja, I like these young ones, Lillian interrupts and they all laugh. 17-Dec-2021, DOI: 10.54615/2231-7805.47221. Limited-Time Deal on Marriage Course. She described that she was completely alone with her daughters after her husband's second marriage. Concept of one soulmate for everyone is flawed anyway. 2019; 86(3): 1332-1370. Journal of Moral Philosophy. Brigham Young and His Wives. My husband is as much a second husband as Im a second wife. The supervisor of the study verified the emerging themes and contents. We have an ordinary life. Teyana Taylor and her husband can have threesomes if it works for Celeste Ntuli and Ayanda Borotho on their roles as sister-wives in Celeste Ntuli and Ayanda Borotho on their roles as sister-wives in Isibaya, After Criselda Dudumashe recently shared how her husband allegedly beat her up we thought we'd remind women how they can seek help. READ MORE:Surviving a polygamous marriage. Not the wives of college friends, not old relatives who can't remember new names but who remember that they shelled out good money for a fancy gift the first time around, and especially not the original wife, who thinks of herself as the bona fide wife. When your friends talk about Christmas and having the whole family there togetheryoure over there thinking, The ex has the kids for Christmas Bummer. To seek the coping strategies to accept the new relationship by co-wives. Ashraf story mirrors that of 25% of Egyptian husbands who, according to statistics provided by the National Centre for Sociological and Criminological Research (NCSCR), take on a second wife within three years of their marriage. Polygamy as sort of status symbol. And another wife Mrs. Kamal reported," in the beginning when I thought about the second wife I engaged myself in different activities because it always hurts me." Later on, she came to know her husband has married her with the support of his family for a male child. : A Liberal Case Against Polygamy. Obviously, it doesnt mean your marriage will end, just that it is more likely to than the first. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry (MyCite Report). International Journal of Mental Health. Polygamy is often confused with polyamory and bigamy. Though later on, she had a good relation with 2nd wife. Disadvantages (Demerits) Of Polygamous Marriage 1. There are many things about a divorced family that can be nontraditional, especially holidays. Conclusion: Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. Community awareness of the effects of polygamy on women through media campaigns is a beginning step. Then there is the hardship of making a living by yourself as a single person. In this concern two research experts (co-authors) were consulted. Mrs. Kamran was the 2nd wife, working in a hospital. Tabi MM, Doster C, Cheney T. A qualitative study of women in polygynous marriages. His first marriage counted. The findings of the study indicate that polygamy is a painful and bitter pill for most women to swallow. Source: Sunan Sad ibn Manr 633, Grade: Sahih. She stated, When I allowed my husband to marry a second wife, then God blessed me to have a child (translated from Urdu to English). A typical statistic out there now says that 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, and 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce. If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married. Evelyn*, 32, tells DRUM her mother's experience was awful. It is still bound to have some of the same relationship issues that we all face from time to time. If the person in the second marriage who was married before didnt have children, then chances are they never have to even talk to their ex again. A new law that went into effect in Kenya this week makes it legal for a man to marry as many women as he wants. The policymakers and law enforcement agencies should pass laws for the welfare of polygamous women. Data collection from the participants may have been affected by differences in age, years, and rank in marriage, educational level, and religious faiths. Because her first husband always cursed him by saying a childless woman. Its a hard stigma to run away from and can lead to many second marriage challenges. You are a little older now, and you learned some harsh realities. 4. Mrs. Mustafa though convinced her husband of second marriage but she said I was very much distressed and lonely after the 2nd marriage of my husband. Can I marry second wife? Judge Nenney says every week she hears cases where a couple is charged for having sex outside marriage. It protects the families from contracting sexually transmitted diseases and possible deviation to an illegal sexual association [3]. She said, in the beginning, I was not happy but with time and being realistic I have admitted and have divided the household chores. The policymakers and law enforcement agencies should pass laws for the welfare of polygamous women. Growing up my mother was abused by my father, Thembi says as she wipes away a tear. The study was an attempt to gain perspective about the causes of polygamy, its consequences, and the most important womens ways of coping strategies in polygamous marriages.

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